Try anything twice

Time gets taken away
every day
all we have is our memories and this moment right now.

Spontaneous decisions
impulse actions
and no regret.

'try anything twice'
what I live by.
I'll never apologise for being honest,
always try to keep a promise.
Your secret is locked in my heart

Change

The world looks different today
watching my hand on the wheel
the sun dances on my skin
making it appear glistening gold

My other arm stretched out the window
flying down this empty road
the air is no longer heavy
I've caught my breath

I've sucked in all this life around me
and it feels amazing!

My hair is wild
and no one occupies my mind.
- completely free.

Still, I'm left wondering
what it will take to settle this restless heart
and finally find a place called home;
or if I'm destined to live this gypsy life
- wandering and searching, forever alone
not necessarily lonely
just making my own path to happiness

Suffocating

When you left me here,
lying lifeless on the floor,
frozen on the inside,
trapped in this nothingness

You took all my air with you.

Slowly suffocating,
unless the cold gets at me first.

What happens now might be like nothin you've ever seen;
could be something you never even seen.

His back is already turned.

D.V.

Hit it again,
that love in her heart
that hope in her mind
all the while he remains abusive, unkind.

The blood drips on the inside
not a mark shown
no, he wouldn't dare
his methods are those of a coward:
to threat, control and scare

She'll justify it -
it was her fault,
"he's been drinking again"
or
"it's just the way of men".

So it continues for years
never speaking her fears.
No one to confide in,
no one would understand.
I only wish she could see - my outstretched hand

Fixie

You know why I care so much about you?
Why I can't let you go?
Because I see so much of myself in you
- all the things I wanna fix;
but can't deal with in myself
- the pain is too close.

And it's not so much that I wanna fix you
I want to fix me;
and be there for you to fix yourself
'cos I know what it's like to have no one
especially no one who could possibly understand
how fucked up this world is through my eyes

Our lenses are shaded the same
but its time for a change

Darker shade

My princess dances amongst purple pearls
A skirt made of crystal,
A head full of curls.

Her locks are not golden.
They're as black as the night.
Her eyes are green fields
With no life in sight.

I watch her closely as the wind makes me shiver
She turns her head and laughs
at the castles she has crushed into the sand.

My purple princess asks of me
Why I hide in the shadows,
Behind my glasses of ebony

I say it hurts my eyes and my mind
To see clearly
A world I once loved,
Self destructing before me

So we run away to the clouds
and dream forever

Terrible Lie - Nine Inch Nails

Trent Reznor has long been much inspiration for me - lyrics to 'Terrible Lie' with some lines omitted.

'Why are you doing this to me?
Am I not living up to what I'm supposed to be?
Why am I seething with this animosity?
I think you owe me a great big apology

I really don't know what you mean
seems like salvation comes only in our dreams
I feel my hatred grow all the more extreme
can this world really be as sad as it fucking seems?

don't take it away from me
I need someone to hold on to
don't take it away from me
I need you to hold on to

there's nothing left for me to hide
I lost my ignorance, security and pride
I'm all alone in a world you must despise
I believed your promises
your promises were LIES

Terrible Lie

you make me throw it all away
my morals left to decay
how many you betray
you've taken everything

my head is filled with disease
my skin is begging you please
I'm on my hands and knees

I want so much to believe'

http://youtu.be/7wBaQMCE9aQ

Madness

Rustle. Riccadonna. Remnants & Lies
too long, I've been in this disguise
Dreams fallen apart
and broken hearts

When will the madness end, my friend?

Tickle, trickle, tipple
I'm tired of wandering
wondering
drifting

It's so a short a time we have
shouldn't we be happy?
Instead we work & tire
that constant struggle,
that financial desire
or a quest for fame
& in a few years,
will they remember your name?

So back down I drown
into that drunked-ness blurred vision
& make nothing of all this wisdom

When will the madness end my friend?

When can I go home?

Tippy Toeing

Whisper, winter, wannabe
& all that was, between you and me
Kiss. Kill. Incarcerate.
You think you're here?
You're too late!

You never stopped me
from losing control
& all along you knew
I could have it all.

All the boys & all the girls,
they'd all come to see
how far I'd come
& still I surprise, even the most sceptical ones.

Tippy toeing
across the coal that burnt your dreams
gathering the charcoal and dust
of something
that never really was.

Chem

I hate this chemical imbalance
and then I consider, this is how we should be

Some are born logical
some, born to work,
Sam Beckett said
"we're all born mad, some remain so".

Those like me,
we breathe creativity,
and we try to make it work.
So I need my match to be opposite
someone, to keep the balance.

Someone to keep me balanced.

Yeah, and I've got these grazes
damage I've done
too long, this goes on

and I dislike the feeling of regret
still knowing, it's not done yet.

How far will I fall next time
and can I go back, behind that line

Keep it quiet
inside your mind.

Relax you eyes
you're not yet blind.

skin deep

He doesn't
so why should i?

skin deep
is all they see
all they want to see
well,
that's not me
but look how good i can pretend.
I don't know the game as well as you tho
so lend me a hand.

You're an expert with these things -
put on a smile
hide behind your beauty,
for a while

All the time knowing it's just a fuck.

it's not for us,
just for you
SELFISH FUCKING CUNT!!!

Burn baby, burn

I'd much rather the fall of the fire.

Poor you have burnt your fingers
and now must stay away
from the intimate, the intense.

It's much safer on the fringe,
outside, looking in

Poor you will play it safe
and miss out on everything.

Stilletto's

My nails are pink
my hair blue
and what I could do to you,
my, if you only knew.

I seem but a girl,
soon becoming a vixen,
there's no boundaries here
ask nice, I'll listen.

My toes, they curl
my heart skips a beat
I'll start with your lips
not ending at your feet -

These lips below, are made for you
my lust is not for sale
I know too well what you want me to do
without disappointment, without fail.

Touch this sweaty cheek
as I press my chest against you,
the stronger you become
tells me we're meant to -

Deeper inside you push now
but won't let me climax
I slip on my stilletto
and sharpen my nails

Do you like the way my arse,
it curves
and the sharpness of my nipples?
Not just a pretty face
this body
yours to ravage and embrace.

Suck a little harder
and then you'll do me
it always seems to happen with us
so easily.

No one else is here now
just you and me
so lets get our fuck on
and fall asleep happily!

South

Mexico
always sounded so good.
Take me south of the border
where my life is outta order
and the tequila runs free.

Can't pin this gypsy down
so i walk alone.

Timeless Red

me & a bottle of red
we got alot of talking to do
similar feelings
now something new

full bodied & overtones of lust
so we sat down one night & broke the silence
with the drip.drop.slurp.
& both felt it deep within

yep, me & red
we could go all night.
time just disappeared.
then red did.
& i was alone.

so much left unsaid
but that was just us
& when it was over
we wished there was more

intoxicated from day dot
unstoppable.irresistable.unbelievable.
we thought we knew each other so well

you can never know it all
we could never have our fill...

fall

I fall so fast

so hard
the imprint in the mud, u can still see if u squint
and everytime i get more afraid
i'll hold back
give into this war in my head
they tell me to go, they tell me to run
all it was, was a little fun
no your wrong;
pretend that we never existed
i never saw below your belt
you didn't pull my hair as i screamed with excitement
in & out, out & in
they said we lived in sin
i'm falling again and the rails are too far off
don't catch me

I get off on this pain

We never really had it at all

	I guess we never really knew we started and stopped so many times scratching the walls, losing our minds those things, we never really had at all innocent minds & easier times,  distant memories of a place, i wish i could find. i search these streets of pale and dark being alone is not always having a lonely heart don't look at me like you understand i never came to you.

I never wanted that life

 you'd so carefully planned

you never offered and you never gave you just sat me in the corner & told me how to behave 'pull this face dress yourself like this that person you once were, well she doesn't exist.' i'm still... searching for so much more you know, we never really had it at all i've come undone and am lost for pins i guess i could draw them from my back; all those that you put in. a thousand knives & a thousand lies just once one day give me those innocent minds & easier times.

BACK

I use to ride around in cars

listening to classical music

wearing my latest op-shop wares, how i loved what i was then.

how different i've become now.

Well, the rose colours glasses that i threw out the window in 2000 still lie on the side of that dusy road....

and i wish i was in summer travelling up that hill where i hit a kangaroo and we tried to break our sexual tension....

i'm not what i was then.

 i've become this superficial liar. i lie to myself everyday and thought it would work.

 if i could just believe the lies i created and the world i thought existed...

but i can't.

 i've seen outside the bubble and i want out again

no restrictions now i am on my own

no excuses. just takes a little more force than previously.

no one to hold my hand - no one to hold me back

i was strong on my own

once

i want her back

liar

"Life is all lies
you just pick which one you live."

We never know anything
until we are taught
by those before,
It's the way its always been, always will.

So you go on living your lie
following rules created for someone else.

I will live
soaring the sky,
running through the woods
and feeling the pain your lies have caused.

These bruises won't ever heal
this ink doesn't wipe off
I've tasted the real world,
I am proud of my scars

Shine

I am drawn by curiosity
she is different,
how?
-fascination is a consuming facet of life.
I want to understand
a hidden sadness
inside a hidden soul.
Is she deep?
Is her pain real?
Is the sky blue?
-Not when it rains.
That's your answer.
Look under the covers, she has many.

colourful world

The red cuts them
and the blue cries for them.
it's the black that kills them
and you'll blame the yellow.
my enemy is orange
and she eats those passionfruits
those purple passions.

so pick a colour
because it's all judged
and once branded
there is no escape.
hide, cover, you can never erase.
its immaculate stain remains...

direct me

so you pull yourself along this barbed wire life
falling apart.
empty vessels pointlessly roam
waiting to be told what to do
the need for direction.
you stand
poker faced
on the edge of your world that's crumbling around you
and with the rain, the earth forms a crust, a thickness you can't escape
its become too much
and swallowed you whole.

sensory

Over water
under water
deeper, under water.
Under the ocean
under the sand
to a steaming place coloured in orange.

She said it's refreshing,
I described it as frustrating.
She likes the smell,
I find the air hard to breathe.
She honestly enjoys it
and I feel like I'm the closest I've ever been to hell.

When it's cool, natural, dark, moist,
it could be anything or anywhere.
It's more of a cold sweat, not quite adrenalin.
You bear the hardest parts
because you know when you're out of it
it'll be amazing & so worth it.

I fell in love with your conversation
I knew who you were to me.
You were under my skin.

We danced and stumbled around the kitchen
all I wanted was to disappear
into the world that you'd escaped into.

There's a deep connection
anchored from my chest to yours
& at the moment my feet are caught on the reef
but I won't drag you under.

It's like you're on the other side
mirroring what I'm going through
I feel what you feel
I feel for you

I won't abandon you out there alone
but I can't be the saviour of birds with broken wings any more.
 

Frank

Feeling the winter chill
I hold my breath -
1.2.3.4.
Choking, spluttering
no matter how I try,
I can't stop my beating heart.
I thought if I could just stop it,
make it skip a beat
you would fall out of its rhythm
and out of my mind, my limbs, my veins.

Momentary weakness is all.
Just a passing breeze that makes us sway a little.
A passing breeze?!??!
You hit me like a fucking hurricane!
Swept me up in your swag
and when I hit the ground so hard
you just continued on your path of destruction,
this time, within yourself.

So I think I'll go sit outside
try n freeze my heart again.
It's never the same once its melted,
it can't be frozen the same.
The molecules change,
the dynamic changes.


I'ma need a jacket.

Bubbles

So many promises
floating through the sky
held in bubbles, waiting to pop
they're all going to get broken eventually.

Dream taker
scene maker
when will you just let it all fall?

Insignificant details is all you turned out to be
washed over in this life,
looked upon as an absent memory.

Moving day

Packing up my life,
again.
Picking up the pieces.
He was my rock,
now he just weighs me down

Light

I've lightened up
I lost your weight.
I didn't lose you,
I never had you


We play, we dance, we drink, we fly
and that night I was so high - 
I never thought I'd feel the earth beneath my feet again.


The view is different from six feet under...


and I would crawl through tunnels
running from the inevitable light


We lived between the sheets for months on end -
breathing each others air.
We didn't need anyone, or anything, else.
Well I still don't,
and now I don't need you


I feel light.
I feel that I could disappear on a clear sunny day,
disappear into that light that I ran from for so long.


At 6am when the lights come up, 
and the music goes down,
everything is so honest,
and you can't hide forever.
So you step into the light.

The Rope

I pressed the rope against my throat
remembering how I like to be submissive
it's been a while now that i've been tied up

you left me hanging
i couldn't breathe
its getting tighter
i'm getting tighter

I saw it hanging before you came
that delicious tangled knot waiting
I slid my hand through to test its strength

you've learnt better this time
check the height
& check it again
and again
and again

my head becomes light when i'm standing beneath you
& all I wanted was for you to notice
but it's not about you anymore

I pressed the rope against my neck
how i've missed the feeling of being free
but i'll wander far without this noose
and you know I can't be trusted

how long is a piece of rope?
throw it over the edge & i'll find out

...... i pressed......

run!

pick up the pace
run! cos u love the chase
no use looking back
the darkness has hidden all your tracks

one step, two step, three step, four
and then there was no more

over

Just like that cigarette
we smoked our time to an end
no more sweet kisses
no more midnight hugs.

I remember waking in the night to you
so hard beside me
finding our way in the dark
to each others bodies, we knew so well.

It's over now,
it's over.

He was never gonna be my saviour
the one I wanted forever.
Most of the time I watched my behaviour,
and he looked on silently.
I never got inside his head
he so willingly letting me into his bed.

But I don't feel used, or abused
just sad
that there is no more

it's over now
it's over

And such a big part of me wishes it wasn't
deep down I always knew
I kept you around for the pain
it was just easier to blame you.

grounded

you taught me to walk
I chose to crawl


when your this close to the ground
you'll see
its easier to fall